There are people all over the world achieving amazing, unbelievable things every minute. Doctors, firemen, police, scientists, presidents all work so hard at what they do everyday. Most children imagine themselves being one of these miraculous beings and find some will to push themselves to do it. I often find myself wondering what made them work so hard every second of their lives and why I had not obtained whatever it was I was missing to do so. I could not figure out why I had never really tried to do anything with such determination.

Maybe it's my motivation at fault. Not my motivation but rather my lack of it. Everywhere I look I cannot find this magical solution that makes people push themselves until they have nowhere else to go. What drives them to make themselves the best and why can't I have that? Even when I want or need to do something I just never find it in myself to do anything about it. Whether it is for school or for myself I have no internal drive to force myself into doing what is best for me. I never inherited the gene that enables a person to remind him or herself to do something and when to do it. Even if I tell myself throughout the day of an appointment, when the time comes I find myself doing something completely different or it being too late to do anything about it.
    Maybe I have yet to find my internal calling. Could it be possible for a being to not have interest in anything at all? Perhaps it's my mellow dramatic attitude. My vision of situations could be what leaves me doomed from the start. I might have just given up on everything. 20 years old and already given up hope on whatever the world holds. Maybe I was disappointed from the start. Sometimes I think I am just plain and simple lazy. But what does that even mean? What is the difference between laziness, no motivation and giving up? I don't understand how I can be stuck in the years that everyone praises so gloriously as the best years of your life. I can't vision myself looking back at how hard it was to be continuously sick and constantly fatigued as a good year. Nor can I imagine being internally distressed about some idea of what the future is as fun. 

Clothes and shoes have taken over my life. I am victim to an extreme shopping addiction and I love it. Okay, so perhaps it is a tad bit dramatic to say it is an extreme addiction. However I am positive I have more clothes than most people should. I can’t count how many times a friend or relative has walked into my room and announced, “You can open up a store with the amount of clothes you have” or just stopped at “Oh my God.”  Shopping has been one of my favorite hobbies since I have been able to dress myself. There are too many reasons to define my persistent need to shop.

A simple change of clothes can become a drastic transformation of a person’s attitude and appearance. I find it completely appropriate to say that something as superficial as clothes can do something either beneficial or damaging to a person. Style can modify a countless mass of a person’s demeanor. Shopping has a therapeutic affect on people as well, which is something I swear by. It’s almost scary how happy shopping makes me feel. When I’m feeling sad or even when I am really mad or upset I turn to retail therapy to make myself feel better.  I believe that shopping undoubtedly creates an environment in my head that make me think and process things clearly. There are many times that I have been mad at myself, my boyfriend, annoyed of everyone and have just went shopping by myself or even online and came out with knowing why I was mad and already calmed down and over whatever had upset me. Obviously it is not a process for those who hate shopping but I would recommend it to anyone.

I believe judging people by what they wear is completely wrong and almost evil but it is something that I believe that everyone does. I do not assume it is only people who believe they are well dressed that judge by looks but it is everyone. I have been around people who wear ripped pants and dirty t-shirts who judge people they do not even know because they dress a certain way. I myself have never stuck to one style of clothes just because I never have felt I should limit myself to any one thing. Because of this I have seen judgment from almost every angle.

While working at a shoe store I have seen first hand how employers judge whom they want to hire on how they are dressed. A young girl walked into the store once asking if our store was hiring, my manager took one look at the girl wearing no make-up, a white tank top and unfitted jeans and said, “I’m sorry but we are fully staffed right now.” Another co-worker joked about it in the backroom saying, “Yeah we’re hiring but not you.” As harsh and cruel as it was I could understand why the store known for its impressive style would not hire someone dressed like that. This is also one of the many reasons I would never want to keep myself from being well dressed or fully stocked with clothes. 

The sun, the enormous star located in the center of our solar system. It has been the initial source of life on earth since our once beautiful home planet’s existence. Many cartoons and children’s drawings interpret the sun as a friendly, warm, gentile, good intentioned sphere who smiles coolly wearing over-sized sunglasses. Brands have even named their product after the sun. One example, Sunny Delight, known better as Sunny D., has used the sun to mascot their drink.

It is my honest and strong belief that the sun has alternative motives to demolish the human race. However many wonderful plants and creatures the sun has produced, including our entire race, I find the sun to be an eternal abusive burden to my life. I cannot agree with the many who love to be outside and absorb the harmful sunrays. I feel as if these people find some sick joy in such abuse and am disgusted by it. The summer’s suffocating heat is the worst. It is repulsive and drives our race to install air conditioners in every building in order to not be drenched in a pool of our own sweat. This process of changing temperatures is one way the sun gets our bodies sick.


            The annoyance of the sun is beyond belief beginning with the scorching pain of its rays. These intense beams coming down on us on a daily basis are enough to cause disgusting, blistering sunburns on a majority of humans populating the earth. Dangerous UV rays are transferred from the sun causing these harmful sunburns. Sunburns leave the skin tomato-red and extremely sensitive. In some cases, sunburns can lead to delicate skin for days after the initial exposure, peeling, and even blistering. The humiliation of having sunburns coating our skin is just one example of how the sun breaks down our physical appeal. Temporary sunburns are not enough to satisfy the sun’s need to torture us. The sun does permanent damage to our skin causing embarrassing wrinkles, sunspots and age spots.

The key our destruction is most dangerous of all effects of the sun’s UV rays; skin cancer. Ultimately through skin cancer the sun kills millions of people each year. I would call this the perfect plan. Everyone knows about skin cancer being caused by the sun but no one takes action against it.

My solution to this problem is obvious; we blow up the sun. Okay, maybe not blow up the sun but we would get rid of it somehow. Of course the world’s top scientists would figure out a way to remove the sun without affecting our solar system and they would figure out a way to replace the sun with an artificial sun. The replacement sun would be able to successfully sustain and nourish the life on earth without the deadly UV rays viciously attacking us. Our new sun would brighten up the world without the harsh burning effects that our sun has now.

I am positive that the world can adapt to a new sun and the world’s population would be grateful for the change for the better. 

   It has been so many years since I was first diagnosed with anemia. A routine trip to the doctor’s revealed the reasoning behind my constant fatigue and yellowing skin. Neither my mother nor I had seen the difference of coloring in the palms of my hands until then.  In addition to the basic information on anemia being told to my mother and me, the doctor casually but warningly slipped in that the lack of red blood cells in my body could eventually lead to leukemia. That is if the anemia was not taken care of properly. That sounded a lot worse at the time than it does now. Now that danger only seems like a tiny threat. There are many ways to get better from, such as iron pills and certain foods. Every inch of my body detests iron pills. For the one week I decided to take them I felt like an eleven-ton boulder. I felt so strongly about them that I never took them again. I really do like the foods that were suggested as an alternative to the iron pills. Lentils, beans, spinach; I eat them all the time. However much I eat those products none of them quite worked for me, the anemia has never gone away.

 

I will admit there are some days worse than others. There are times when the yellow coloring from the anemia is noticeable in my face or the color of my palms. There are days when I want to cry or scream because no matter the hours I spend asleep or in bed, nothing will stop me from being so uncontrollably tired. Sometimes I feel like it has so much control over my body that my mind gives up trying to take control.

I remember a time when my anemia was at it’s worst. Every other day I would think, “This is the most exhausted I have ever been in my life I am sure.”  I miserably woke up and would impatiently waited until I can go back to my bed. The process of my decreasing energy had been so long and slow I processed it as just growing up. I am no doctor to say that it was not just growing up. Maybe it was my imagination taking the dramatic tone up a notch and creating a more than drastic excuse for my fatigue. I just remember it being the worst time for me.

 

 My mom or boyfriend would look at me when I was feeling especially down and I could see the questions printed all over their faces. The same worried expressions towards me became routine and I could not help but to look at them angrily and roll my eyes in return. When they finally ask me if I’m okay I often became aggressive and lashed out at them, “I’m fine! I’m just tired.” My mom tried to force iron pills down my throat. She would yell, “This is scary! You can get cancer! Do you not understand that?” You never imagine a loved ones concern becoming such a large annoyance. I finally started taking care of myself after those fights. Although I’m still very anemic I feel a lot better than I did back then. I still feel really bad about scaring the people I care about.